February 3rd, 2015  

Untitled 5, Sigur Ros, 2002

the snow blower outside the window while it was still dark
and the men talking became a story in my dream

they were planning a surprise for their daughters 
something like a tea party

and I moved against my sheets 
holding a blanket to my chest and thought 
how nice, how nice for their daughters

I woke again before I wished 
to their shovels

there were many other dreams I remembered
when I woke that are now slipping away too quickly 
to catch,

as the snow from my car, as the birds from their
perch - how they swirled like wind itself 
last night in the storm and how I wanted to at once
hold them to my heart and join them in their flight

I will always want more than one thing
I will always get stuck, momentarily, in the space
between the two

Alex believes that in Proverbs 11:22 the word 
discretion refers to silence, a demure submission

many male biblical scholars believe the same

they are all wrong

it means sense, judgement, the ability, and the right, 
to decide. 

my youngest sister had been planning her wedding
since she was born and by time she told us,
all the arrangements had already been made

we were all happy, but I wondered where I would
sleep when I came home to visit

whenever I woke to the snow blower 
and shovels, I woke to such sadness 
that I had to remember I wasn't sad. 

I reminded myself and God through my restless
and twitching eyelids that His word does not come
back void. 

I prayed for people in a sighing, in a cough, 
and worked the muscles of forgiveness 
in the depth of belly. 

when I was 16 my mother dreamed that you
left the house to go to a boy. You were wearing
a tight tank top; I warned you not to go, but you 
flipped your hair and looked over your shoulder
as if to say 
 
no one understands love in youth

and what is true is that love in youth
doesn't understand discretion. But we learn
it somehow, don't we 

often through breaking